Monday, June 30, 2008
Sunday, June 29, 2008
Saturday, June 28, 2008
Tonight I roamed the streets of my town, with a high school partner in crime. Driving aimlessly for hours just like that night when we were 15 and kissed although tonight, no kissing but, memories. lots of memories. Of Big Black Cadillacs and parties and beer. He looks different I look different but his eyes are the same. Same eyes. Same smile. Same person in there, my only link to my past. our past.
Our past. Thats the part Ive missed from my life. I've moved eh 36 times? Im guessing. I stopped counting at 31 and that was several moves ago. I leave a little more behind each time I go so I have nothing even from 2 years ago with me let alone anything from so long ago. no people. Ive even forgotten names. Names he brought up and houses we drove past HOLY SHIT STUEY. i totally made out with stuey. and his crazy hair. I didnt even like him i think, i know, like that really. I just wanted love. thought he was funny. I guess. I dont remember.
I feel weird and fucked up like I belong here but dont? Even this house. They are swell but already I am no longer novel. Interest is wanning and I feel invisible. Im sure, that leads me to making videos in the first place. Being there for people like me, alone in their rooms, quietly creating. Awkward with boys. there was a boy the other day, in a store. I practically ran away I was so nervous. Which is funny because get me in a strip bar and I am in control. I hold my head high while wear nothing. I own every man in that room (did, past tense, as you know). But get me in the sunlight and look at me and ask me things and I cannot stop blushing.
He told me tonight I have to stop hiding. That I need to buy girly things and go somewhere where boys are. But I know I will only be sad when I get there. It seems so many things are confronting me in the last 2 weeks, leaving me all alone with myself and my emptiness. I am pms for sure, so that is probably it but still. I dont want to go to a bar alone and look for someone interesting to talk to, that will never happen. The wrong sorts go to bars anyway and you know my track record with first impressions. I fall in love at first site. Kiss now and find out youre a shithead later.
But Ive been running for so very long, dear chickies, that I am so far from everywhere Ive ever been. I cant feel anything, tangible. I hold onto pooh. pooh is real. pooh is what I have. brushes are real. and paints. How can one be terribly sad and terribly happy all at the same time?
I dont know if I will get this little dog. I have to ask questions about temperament and why they say she is 'shy'. Does that mean she is not good around other dogs? I want her and penny to get along, and what about cats? Oh i fall in love too quickly. I do.
Posted by suzi blu at 8:46 AM
Friday, June 27, 2008
Its 1 am and dang nab it my back hurts and video is not edited BLEH.
so tomorrow morning i get up and finish finish.
Meet me here round 2pm EST for video then run on over to LIVE CHAT.
how do we chat you ask?
Go to www.stickam.com
and sign up for an account. you do not need a webcam to join or chat.
Then when I post my chatroom tomorrow you can join on in in the mayhem.
Someone tell TASCHA we need her, like always, cause you know I suck without her.
Vanessa will be there too, in and out, as tomorrow is HER day and she will be busy
with all her lovely things she need to attend to, but we all will get a chance to
see her and hear her once or thrice.
ok see you kittens tomorrow afternoon.
Posted by suzi blu at 10:03 PM
Thursday, June 26, 2008
Her name is Holly. She is 3 years old. My GOODNESS look at that face. They say she likes to be held and cuddled and spoiled to death. I dont know much about Pekingese but my heart is heavy and she needs love. we'll see.
This Saturday Chickies!!
Come to my tea party and then bop on over to
Vanessa's and then we will spend the afternoon in LIVE CHAT
and eat too many cookies and drink too much tea!
Posted by suzi blu at 7:41 AM
Wednesday, June 25, 2008
FINALLY my book is here. Now we can BEGIN. i am going to read 1/2 chapter a day which is aprox 30 pages. I will consider this mandatory. And make art when inspired. Its by Gregory Maguire so there is still time for you to pick up your copy and read with us.
Tuesday, June 24, 2008
This is one of a few letters I've received about prints taking time to reach their new homes:
Sorry, Suzi, but I threw out the packaging before I got this email asking for the date. I don't know what the problem was, but I was surprised it took a whole week to get to Ohio. Maybe tell the others to wait a bit more, because I had something mailed to me from California a while ago that took a little over two weeks to get to me that usually only takes about three or four days.
Posted by suzi blu at 6:33 AM
Monday, June 23, 2008
Sunday, June 22, 2008
Saturday, June 21, 2008
Friday, June 20, 2008
Tuesday, June 17, 2008
First I want to tell you all i love and adore you so much. I am overwhelmed with the amount of love I've received especially from the women from my blog. I am answering as many emails as I can and what I am asking for pictures from all of you to put on my wall, with your names so i can look at you always.
Now for FUN STUFF!
Just to keep it all very real Im going to show you some things you might not know about me but its hilarious just the same.
Years ago I made a few very bad B movies under the name VERONIKA BLU.
If you google it you will find
b)some hilariously bad movies.
They are not porn so dont get your hopes up, but if you want to see me naked there ya go!
here is a website that has all my movies.
I AM A TERRIBLE ACTRESS.
There were no scripts.
One of the best things I did was a wrestling movie that has a slow motion shower scene at the end. My friend Pat edited it and its really lovely. That is out there too.
So buy away! Just remember I dont get any of the money. I used to have panic attacks really bad and every time I tried to work Id end up calling the ambulence from hyperventalating. I had a few very bad years in my life and for the few movies I made they paid me 200 dollars for the day. It was kind of fun because it was a small set, no scripts, and we'd make it up as we went along. I warn you though - these movies border on boring. One boyfriend said to me Sue, I love you, but these arent even bad funny enough to watch!
I look pretty hot tho so there ya go!
And here are a list of ebay auctions. check it for suzi blu stuff! My underwear might be next! The money does not go to me but it might help the person selling it be more happy. So there ya go! She has original journals in her storage by me, stuff I wrote when I was in deep pain, GREAT READING, seriously, bid high! Tell her to list them!!
These are self portraits I took of myself.
Posted by suzi blu at 7:14 AM
Monday, June 16, 2008
Sunday, June 15, 2008
Friday, June 13, 2008
Here she is what do you think? This will be for the Party Girl kit. You will receive watercolor paper with the outline of this girl already on it. There will be step by step instructions on how to shade her face and apply each layer to get an effect similar to mine. Paints, Collages papers, everything you need will be in the kit. Im sending it off to my partner in crime today.
Prints of this painting will be available tonight!
and so I was coating beeswax on Padre and my mom liked how it was coming out and I said - this is the most fun EVER. I could do it all the time. and if you have a voice in your head like that, don't add to it like I know its easy to do. No...ahhhh, but if i do it all the time I wont eat, make $, etc...
Why not? For once entertain the possibility that you can live your life the way you want. It is possible to spend entire days in the forest drinking tea with your cat. It is possible to make your own clothes out of vintage patterns from the 1940's you find on ebay - or to wear bunny slippers to buy groceries. Everything is possible if you open your mind and heart to it. Say yes to what yo want and BLEH to any and all negativity - even if its really neat and dressed up as reality. pay special attention to that.
Easy, yes, from a chica who lives safely at her parents. But whatever your safe haven is - GET THERE NOW. Dont spend one more hour doing things you don't love.
You rent your socks, remember that. You own nothing. The details of your life mean nothing when your dead so never feel bad if you arent materially successful. Dream anyway.
Posted by suzi blu at 6:48 AM
Wednesday, June 11, 2008
Sunday, June 08, 2008
Saturday, June 07, 2008
Friday, June 06, 2008
Thursday, June 05, 2008
Power had been out here since 3 PM yesterday and stayed out until i went to bed at midnight. made a journal entry by candle light. had the door open and a puppy gate in front of it (most of the windows in this house and painted shut). I ate 4 ice cream sandwiches (had to the fridge was getting warm) and 6 mint milanos. I watched a june bug struggle to fly. I read the newspaper that I bought for LuLu to pee on. Found out Obama won. Went to bed.
Now its thursday at 9:30 am.
Get your board books ready!
This will be good!
Posted by suzi blu at 6:38 AM